Pilgrimmage (Hajj)
Bukhari :: Book 2 :: Volume 26 :: Hadith 595
Narrated 'Aisha the mother of the faithful believers) said,
"O Allah's Apostle! We consider Jihad as the best deed." The Prophet said, "The best Jihad (for women) is Hajj Mabrur. "
Subhanallah. I understand from this hadith and the experience related by many of my friends, performing hajj will not be the easiest assignment for many people, what more a woman. I am anticipating hardship more than the usual. I am expecting tests imaginable and unimaginable.
And I ask Allah to bestow on me patience and perseverance. Patience has never been my best virtue. I ask Allah that I am also patient with my lover mostly. I pray that Allah will make it easy for me and my lover.
To add to this, I think all women go through emotional jihad. I am feeling very much so at the moment.
The other day I was going through Jack mengaji. He finished his Kursi, then I said to him, "When I am off for hajj, who will check your recitation?" And he replied just the way that we have planned, "Abang will check and help me with my memorisation (he is doing Al Fil now) and both sya and also abang will check my ngaji."
I smiled.
A minute later, he said his eyes hurt. One look at him, I know he was crying. Oh my dear boy. I pulled him close and he sobbed on my lap. And I naturally cried too. And there we were, hugging each other crying. Lover who was there listening to his Kursi just stood there not knowing what to say or do.
And today before Isyak, Sya cried hard. I know she has been emotionally down and I was sort of expecting it. Alhamdulillah all the boys in the house were out. So we had a mother daughter bonding time crying. Just the two of us.
I ask her to make dua for me. Allah is the one we turn to when we are sad and when we are happy. I am doing this for the sake of Allah. She nods. And have faith in Him. Allah will not forsake you. Be strong sayang. We hugged the hardest and moist each others' telekung.
Haziq is swallowing his responsibility as the eldest at the moment. I can see it in his face. he is drafting how best for him to check everyone's recitation when even he has his to finish. I have whispered to him how emotional Jack might become and both Sya and Jack will be needing him. Be there for them. And the three of you for each other. And NO SLEEPOVERS! You are not allowed to be separated.
The children know we are going. And they are all very excited for us. The last umrah trip was beneficial for them. We often talk about the beneficial of hajj. On why I must go. And all of them agree that it is just the best place to be. They sometimes listen to the hajj shows too. Even though Sya would go, must I watch this? :P And were awed at the amount of people at mudzalifah and jamrah. O Allah make it easy for me. I keep on repeating to them about arafah and the special time Allah gives to His wanting slaves. How Allah will boast about his slaves to the angels.
Today we discussed my schedule and my routes and what I will be doing. Haziq said we sound like we are going camping. With sleeping bags and small tent and lots of walking. He said he feels like going. :D I have printed maps, hajj routes, shared with them the schedule and are asked them to mark where I am and the corresponding dates on the maps. Print out a pictorial one page guide of hajj rites. Just so they have a feel.
Alhamdulillah Allah has made it easy for me. The Faths strongly volunteered to take care of the children. In his own strong words, "Don't send it to anyone else! Send them to us! We want the ajr too!". :P.
Allah sent this help in the midst of me thinking where to put the children back even before we went for umrahs. May Allah shower them abundant of hasanat on their family for their kindness and their generosity. I am tremendously grateful. It is not an easy thing to take care of other people's children in doha for the children go to different school. Mr Fath had to wake up earlier than usual to send them to school. Oh Allah give them goodness in this dunya and akhirah. Pardon their sins and elevate their status.
I am writing a will which will concern the care of the children and some wealth. This is equally e m o t i o n a l. Not the wealth part. The death part and everything else that concern the children.
I am planning also to write a letter to each of them (i am that dramatic)with pesanans. "Ittaqullah! Ittaqullah! ittaqullah my children" and some other pesanans that are applicable to them.
Oh Allah make my heart calm and make our hearts strong.
This is jihad for me.
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